Is Your Relationship Stuck in the Same Loop?

Every couple has a dance — a pattern they fall into, especially when things get hard. One partner reaches out, the other pulls back. One gets louder, the other shuts down. Both are trying to get their needs met, but somehow the steps keep pushing each other further away.

This is one of the most common things I see with couples: not a lack of love, but a negative cycle that keeps spinning. And the painful part is, the more each person tries to fix it, the worse it gets.

That's where Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) comes in — and it's where I've seen real, lasting change happen for couples who were ready to try something different.

"Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new."

Ursula Le Guin

A Different Kind of Couples Therapy

I'm Mark Walters, a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) with a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy. I've been working with clients in Abbotsford and across BC for seven years — and couples work is one of the things I genuinely look forward to.

The approach I use is called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), developed by Dr. Susan Johnson. It's one of the most well-researched models in the field, grounded in attachment theory — the science of how we bond, how we reach for each other, and what happens when we feel like we can't.

The goal isn't just better communication techniques. It's helping you and your partner actually understand what's happening between you, and finding new ways to reach for each other that bring you closer instead of pushing you apart.

MORE ABOUT ME

What's Keeping You Stuck?

Couples often come in with one presenting problem — conflict, disconnection, recovering from a betrayal — but underneath that, there's usually a pattern. A cycle. EFCT has a name for it: the negative dance.

It might look like this: one of you gets anxious and pushes for connection, and the other withdraws to manage the intensity. Or one shuts down in conflict and the other escalates to try to be heard. Both of you are doing your best. Neither of you is the villain. But the cycle keeps spinning.

EFCT helps you slow that dance down, understand what's driving it for each of you, and start building a new one — where you can reach for each other and actually land.

Common things couples come to see me about:

  • Feeling like roommates more than partners
  • The same argument on repeat, with nothing changing
  • Distance and disconnection that's built up over time
  • Recovering from an affair or breach of trust
  • Navigating a major life transition together
  • Premarital counselling — building a strong foundation before you start

What to Expect

assignment_turned_in

Your first session

The first session is mostly about getting to know each other. I'll ask about what's brought you in, a bit of your history as a couple, and what you're hoping for. There's no pressure to share everything right away — we go at your pace.
spa

How it works

EFCT is a structured process, but it doesn't feel clinical. Sessions are typically 50 minutes. Most couples come in weekly or every two weeks, at least at the start. Research on EFCT suggests it usually takes somewhere between 8 and 20 sessions — though that varies a lot depending on where you're starting from and what you're working through.
weekend

Where we meet

I offer sessions in person at my Abbotsford office and online for couples anywhere in BC

A Note on Couples Work

Some people come in wondering if it's "too late." In my experience, couples who show up ready to try, even if things feel pretty broken, often surprise themselves. Willingness is the biggest factor, not where you're starting.

If only one of you is sure about counselling, that's okay. We can still start the conversation.

Common Questions About Couples Counselling

The research on Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is strong — it's one of the most evidence-based approaches available. That said, outcomes depend a lot on both partners being willing to engage. Counselling isn't a fix I apply to you from the outside — it's a process we work through together.

This comes up more often than you'd think. If your partner isn't ready, individual counselling can still be a meaningful place to start — understanding your own patterns and what you need is valuable on its own, and sometimes that work creates space for a partner to become more open over time.

A lot of couples therapy focuses on communication skills and conflict resolution tools. Those have their place, but EFCT goes deeper — to the emotional undercurrents driving the conflict in the first place. The idea is that when partners feel genuinely safe and seen by each other, the communication naturally shifts.

Yes, I work with couples at all stages and in all kinds of relationships. You don't need to be married or even cohabiting.

Yes. Premarital counselling is something I believe in strongly; building a shared foundation before the harder seasons arrive is one of the best investments a couple can make. It's especially meaningful for couples who want to approach marriage with intentionality.

Ready to try something different?

If you're in Abbotsford or anywhere in BC, I'd be glad to connect. Booking is easy — you can use the link below to find a time that works, or reach out with any questions first.

Mark Walters, MA MFT, RCC Couples Counselling in Abbotsford, BC | Telehealth Across BC

BOOK A SESSION CONTACT ME

WAYS TO GET STARTED